Jan 16, 2011
I am so tired of trying to explain to my friends and family why I do not attend the LDS church anymore.
These people who love me are always digging for ‘the problem’. If they can find it, I imagine they believe, they can fix it and, of course, fix me.
They are going to be digging for a long, long time.
First they are going to dig up the obvious stuff . . .
polygamy, polyandry and gold digging, oh my . . . (make it better, family, fix it!)
and then the complicated stuff . . .
the subtle subversion of girls as individuals in Young Women’s, the limitations on personal freedoms within the church, the prayers with no answers, my years of graduate school in anthropology . . .
I try to excavate my feelings, to mark the turning points, to find the reasons. But the reasons why I don’t believe and the reasons I once did are all sifted together, shaken out . . . I am the product of over 30 years of sedimentation. No matter how far I, or anyone else, digs down, I do not believe that the answer to ‘why I left’ will ever be found.
And I am tired of the effort of trying to figure it out.
I left. I’m content. Let us leave it at that.