How do I tell my parents I drink?

I drink, my parents do not. This should be a small deal, right? By most metrics, I’m an adult. (And now that SNL skit will be in your head FOREVER! You’re welcome.) My wife and I live in a house. We have jobs and health insurance. We paid off our student loans, and occasionally we’ll go wild and eat all our veggies. But my wife and I also love alcohol. We buy wine, beer, port, and even a little Becherovka, but we’ve never told my parents that we drink.

Sure, we’ve had The Talk. It came about awkwardly, after we accidentally left out a few books from our Atheist Collection TM during, get this, Easter dinner a few years ago. My parents know that my wife and I do not attend church or subscribe to any religious belief system. They’re not thrilled about it, of course. Every now and then when religion pops up in conversation their voices become hushed, and I wonder just how close to the edge of depravity my parents think we are. Perhaps that’s why I haven’t confessed that my wife and I love kicking back with a beer at the end of a long day, because even at the end of that long day, I still crave my parents’ approval.

We recently moved several thousand miles away from my parents, where previously we lived  15 minutes away from them. Our faith exodus still quite fresh, and my wife and I decided not to further aggravate relations with my parents. We were professional hiders, which, upon reflection really makes it seem like my wife and I had a Problem. Before every visit from my parents, we stashed wine bottles, and rearranged the frozen peas in front of the vodka.

However, this recent move has prompted us to reevaluate the situation. My parents are flying out for a visit this fall. Isn’t it time to take this step into adulthood and confess (admit? inform? state?) to my parents that we drink. This decision hasn’t made me feel any less cowardly because I don’t know how to break the news. It’s a silly fear, but drinking alcohol as a former Mormon feels final, even fatal. This is especially true because my parents still harbor hope that my wife and I will come back to the fold.

This is where you, dear readers, come into the picture. How do I pull off the band aid?

Time for a poll! (Sorry, ME doesn’t have the Polldaddy plugin for directly inserting the poll here)

If you’re an ex-Mormon who imbibes, does your Mormon family know?