Dec 28, 2011

8: Clarissa Navigates Difficult Waters

Clarissa talks with John and Zilpha about navigating the difficult waters of disaffection.

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By Heather C. Podcast 25 Comments

http://www.richardharris.no Richard of Norway

Wow. This story breaks my heart! I cried when she read (or quoted from) her father’s e-mail telling her goodbye and have a nice life. That is the most amazing thing I have heard in a very long time. And I thought my family was harsh towards me.

I really hope Clarissa is okay. I think I might go out and kill somebody if this happened to me. Or kill myself on the stake center steps with a note about the “Families forever?” nonsense.

Wow. No words. *sad face*
Tierza

Great interview. I nominate Clarissa as a return guest for Voices. I want to know that things worked out with her PhD and what happens as she develops relationships outside the church (especially if she starts dating a non-member or post-member).

Megan

I second this – I think a follow-up would also be helpful as she continues to work to maintain her family relationships.

Megan

Fantastic podcast. Heartbreaking and powerful.
Fence_Sitter

Thank you, Clarissa, for this wonderful story. I admire your courage.
Eye

My heart breaks for Clarissa and all people that have to pay such a high price to think in the Mormon church. My thoughts are with you Clarissa and hope you get to your PHd program, that your family opens their eyes, listens to their words and realize how great a loss it would be to loose their daughter. I can not understand a so called “Christian” church destroying families as the Mormon church does with out batting an eye.
Would love to hear how you are doing .
Buffalo

What a compelling story. For those who want to argue that the church isn’t a cult – even lax, liberal East Coast members engage in the shunning game.
Clarissa

Thanks for all the nice comments, guys! This was recorded a few months ago and since then leaps and bounds have been made for the better. I leave for my PhD program tomorrow!

And, yes, I have started dating a non-mormon guy!

Buffalo

That’s awesome, good for you! You deserve to be happy!
Cindi

Congratulations Clarissa! You deserve to continue your education and meet your goals. Thank you for being willing to share your story. I am sad that you have had to use another ID to feel comfortable in sharing though. It makes me so angry that when we no longer believe we have to be careful in what we say and what we share in fear of repercussions! I thought that God is no respecter of persons. Apparently this verse in the D&C is not considered scripture, or least being ignored in your case
Good luck to you and I hope we can have an update on your progress!
Jarrett Flowers

When you are done dating him, give me a call!

Polly Anna

Well, now my husband and I are even more terrified of coming out. >_<
http://twitter.com/jackrodwell83 Jack Rodwell

sad story . is she single ? i dont even know what she looks like but she has an amazing personality
Threeburgesses

Heather,
irf you’re there I want tell you that this interview reminded me that you, at one time read and liked C.S. Lewis’ Till We Have Faces. I have read it 5+ times myself and think it would make a great podcast to talk about that book. It fits very well with this interview, and others, and it would be interesting to see what you and others think of it. Whaddya Think?

Anonymous

email me: heather [at] mormonexpression [dot] com

Anonymous

Fantastic interview– such a touching story. I’m eager to hear more about Clarissa’s future pursuits. She’s got a fantastic brain, and I’m sure many will benefit from her story and her continued education.
Andrew Johnson

Great interview Clarissa. I’m glad to have such strong, independent, and intelligent friend such as yourself. Your story has already helped many people and will continue to do so. You’re awesome. : )

Clarissa

Right back at ya, Andrew! You are a class act!

http://www.curie-us.blogspot.com/ Mistercurie

Great interview, really interesting story. I found the comparison of coming out about disbelief and the church to coming out about homosexuality to be interesting. I disagree with what John said about being gay being the only thing worse than losing faith in the church. I came out to my parents as both being gay and no longer believing in the church in one conversation, leaving the church was a much bigger deal to them than being gay.
Elder Vader

I listened to this podcast with great interest. A few comments, as usual just in bullet point fashion.

– It has always fascinated me to hear others’ experiences at BYU. It was an overwhelmingly positive experience for me. I was excited to get admitted. I liked the courses. I liked my professors. I made a lot of good friends. I’ve especially been interested to learn what a different experience it is for girls/women. All the women in my extended family have graduated with their bachelors degrees. So I was surprised to learn that an uncomfortably large percentage of girls drop out, and work their husbands toward graduation.

– I couldn’t help but identify with the talk about how guys at BYU were a disappointment. Agreed. I was one of those inept guys who was totally clueless. Luckily I respect women, and didn’t make an ass of myself by getting revealed knowledge of who I would marry. But knowing how to appropriately interact with the opposite sex. Clueless. Clueless.

– Also. I HATE the BYU Honor code office. John Larsen referred to them as Stazi. That is the word I have used since 1995 when I was a freshman. They suck. If you die, go to hell, and have to get a job somewhere to eat… you could work at a place like the BYU honor code office.

– The difference between being a jack mormon, and being an apostate is a sad divide. I’ve been trying to tread carefully there. For the moment I’m leaning toward acting like a jack mormon for the rest of my life. But it does make me feel like a big wuss. Part of me just wants to man up and take the heat if the people in my life are really going to treat me that way. I’m still deciding.

– Good luck to you. I wish I knew you in real life. I bet you’re an interesting person.
http://argeiphontes.blogspot.com/ Hermes

Great interview. John, the solution to life at BYU is to be a monk. I made it through my undergraduate career there largely because I had no social life, at all. Looking back, I should have taken a double major (which I almost did: I could have qualified for an extra major with just one more class in Latin). Oh well. I well remember being unable to speak to anyone of the opposite sex naturally. It was embarrassing.

Curiously, I did finally meet my future wife at BYU, as I was preparing to graduate, and we hit it off really well. She didn’t do the singles’ ward thing (which I tried late in an effort to be more righteous), and we didn’t go on any traditional dates. We just “hung out” reading Latin and chatting. We did not kiss (not even once) until we were married: I think she may have pecked me on the cheek a few times, only because I let her after she insisted. (How generous, right! She really was a Saint.)
http://argeiphontes.blogspot.com/ Hermes

I’m sorry about your financial situation, Clarissa. Maybe you will find money somewhere unexpected. If I had it, I would contribute.
Mike Michaels

Absolutely fantastic podcast!

Best wishes to Clarissa as she proceeds down life’s path.
http://profile.yahoo.com/ABT4HLHGYBDNJ7U4PTJ5XGOAZI free

love the intro song. sounds a lot like Mcall Erickson (sp)
“stuck in this infinite loop of doubt” I was there for 13 years
Anonymous

Clarissa, speaking as someone who tried for 20 extra years (compared to you) to get those answers, I can tell you that….. they didn’t come. Congrats on getting out as early as you did. Best of luck on the Ph.D.

8: Clarissa Navigates Difficult Waters

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