Feb 15, 2012

15: The Delightful Ball of Feminist Fury, Stephanie Child-Bride

Stephanie Child-Bride talks with Greg about her experiences as liberal Mormon.

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By Heather C. Podcast 23 Comments

odysseyforme yahoo

Still listening… at 43:12….. Holy cow, this first temple experience was EXACTLY the same reaction I had. The description of realizing that Patriarchy has consumed the Venn diagram… so spot on! I also had about a month and a half to stew about it before I got married, and never ever was able to resolve it. My TBM husband is still puzzled about what my issues are with women and the temple. God, I hated the veil and everything it represented. And ‘hearken unto’ is essentially the same as ‘obey’, just sugar-coated. And the crazy thing about this was and is: my husband is not a person I have ever felt I had to obey. At all. Which made this whole thing all the more puzzling. I’m not sure I would have ever questioned anything else about the church if it weren’t for the over the top temple ceremony.

Stephanie Lauritzen

I’m glad other people had a similar experience. I don’t think I would have questioned things either, without that really traumatic temple ceremony.
alancrist

OFM, you can count me as one of those clueless males who didn’t see the big deal. I was certainly the exact opposite of a domineering patriarch, so what’s the big problem? My wife never stopped being creeped out by the temple, whereas I was still absolutely sure that it was just about to make sense-if I could just try harder. It didn’t really sink in that maybe there was just no ‘there’ there, rather than there being something wrong with me.

I still get embarrassed that I could go through the ceremony without batting an eye for so long. It’s offensive enough for males if you think about it, but for women, omg! Burkas anyone?

Lena English

I wish I could “like” parts of this interview that I think are particularly awesome. Way to go Steph.
http://femininewound.blogspot.com/ DefyGravity

Stephanie, every time I post something feminist on Facebook or my blog or wherever, even if it has nothing to do with motherhood or stay at home moms, people will always post something about how motherhood is divine and I shouldn’t hate it. Anything feminist seems to bring that up. It’s bizarre. My only guess is that people think they know what i believe and react to that instead of trying to figure out what I’m talking about. Plus it’s easier to dismiss me if I’m anti-motherhood. They can just ignore me instead of having to deal with the fact that I might have a point that will throw a wrench in their lives. But it’s a strange trend that people will accuse my of being anti stay at home moms no matter what my post is talking about.

Love the podcast! Thanks for sharing!

Stephanie Lauritzen

I think it may be a generational thing. I’ve been talking to women who tell me that they heard (and a heard a lot in church) that feminism was “anti-family.” It depresses me that people can’t see past that logical fallacy.

Meredith Lesueur

Greg – you asked. My mom told me to ignore that part of the temple. I grew up with the idea that there was a lot of things to expect to ignore in the temple…
Anonymous

Nice job Stephanie! From your friend’s husband in Iowa.
Emily Proctor

Okay, sorry, can’t figure out how to delete my comment to fix it….uh, ignore this junk comment..
Pingback: Broken Heart. | Confessions of an oxymormon
Amy Evans

I die! I cannot believe how you just said everything I feel about the Church/temple. I just went through the temple a couple months ago and I feel like a total sinner because I openly admit that it was not AMAZING or BEAUTIFUL. I was honestly freaked out. I was crying because I felt so uncomfortable. I felt small and insignificant compared to my husband to be. I do not understand the symbolism of the veil and why he can know things I cannot. I thought going back would make it easier and more understandable, but it didn’t. No! I did not want hug my family and my fiance in the celestial room. I wanted to get the hell out! I feel like an awful person because I feel like I am the only person within the people I associate with who has these worries and concerns. All of my friends who have been through just told me how beautiful it was and how amazing it was. I couldn’t see it. I still believe in the Church, but I can’t understand how it can come so easy to some people. It comes very easy to my husband. He has never questioned. But I do. All the time. Not enough to give up on the Church, but enough to really drag me down.My husband does not quite understand it, but I don’t really understand the rage I have either.. I wish I could understand it.

Stephanie Lauritzen

I don’t know why it is so hard, and you aren’t alone. But you aren’t an awful person for thinking it is hard. You are also not awful if the temple just isn’t your thing. There are lots of great things about Mormonism, that are also very feminist friendly, I might add.
alancrist

I’m sorry about your experience, Amy. My wife had a similar experience, and I couldn’t understand what her problem was. Now, 20 years later, we’re still together. I think Stephanie articulated very well some of the reasons why it hits women so much harder than men.

I don’t know you, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the rage you’re feeling doesn’t come something about you that’s bad. To the contrary, it comes from a part of you that is VERY GOOD. You’ve noticed something that has created serious dissonance for you, something that doesn’t seem right, something that’s inconsistent with how things should be. Many people either ignore them or hope they’ll go away, but that’s no way to live.

Eventually, you’ll make sense of it in some way or another. Right now though, I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone.

http://confessionsofanoxymormon.wordpress.com/ OxyMormon

Thank you so much for your words. You brought me to tears while I listened at work!
Anonymous

“Everyone is negatively affected by patriarchy, and everyone is negatively affected by prejudice and intolerance”.

Love, LOVE Stephanie and her blog. I loved this interview and her authenticity. My journey has paralleled hers for the past three years, and I am inspired by her bravery in writing about her paradigm shift.
http://forcause.wordpress.com/ sandy

I’ve been waiting for a long time to hear your faith story on your blog, since the moment I recognized a kindred disaffected spirit in your Mormon rants and rages, and I couldn’t be more delighted that this is the way you decided to tell that story. I particularly identified with your story because so many Mormons who go through paradigm shifts do it because they grew up as black and white thinkers and believed in the church heart and soul, and I less commonly hear people who grew up like I did, faithful, liberal, and managing cognitive dissonance from a young age. I also benefitted from your discussion of your relationship with spouseman and your hopes for raising your daughter. I willfully entered into an interfaith relationship, and people so rarely talk about the anger (at each other, no less!) that’s almost unavoidable when you can’t see eye to eye on deeply important issues with the person who is most important to you. Your honesty and thoughtfulness on the subject has given me a lot to think about and apply in my own imperfect relationship. (Also, as someone who wasn’t married in the temple, I love the attitude of “I’d like to see somebody try to stop us from being together forever.”)

Stephanie Lauritzen

YES! Really, someone in the heavens try and tell us we won’t be together forever just because we don’t believe in a particular ritual.

jackrodwell

one can make a point without constantly using the word “douch bag”. seems like you are obsessed with that word for some reason. imagine the outrage men would get if they used certain words to describe similar women . but feminists would never acknowledge that

ff77

Learn how to spell “douche bag” before making snotty, ignorant comments.
http://forcause.wordpress.com/ sandy

it is a fabulous word that applies equally to men and women. and, as a firm believer in equality, i don’t take issue with men using distasteful words to describe women. the problem is when historically loaded words are used to supress (for instance, when men call powerful, angry, or feministy women bitch). i don’t think anybody would argue that this little ball of feminist fury (no matter how furious she is) was suppressing bentley, mormon and reality tv royalty when she called him and others like him douche bags.

Amber Price

As I listened I kept saying ‘YES!’ The ‘fairness’ stuff resonated with me deeply. My mom still likes to poke fun about how I think everything needs to be fair- I love the explanation of the difference between fairness and justice. Describes how I feel. I felt a kindred spirit in you while listening to this. I also have a husband who will probably always be Mormon. Although I’ve got four daughters and navigating this is a difficult road. I hope we can meet sometime. :)
alancrist

Stephanie, I’m listening to you talk about your daughter, and I’m really feeling for your situation. We had 4 girls, and had we had 4 boys, it might have been harder for us to get out. Seeing the 2nd class status given the girls compared to their boy counterparts, where the only real recognition they get is for looking pretty and being submissive, is a real trip once you wake up and start noticing how prevalent it is. As aware as you are of feminist issues, I think it’s going to be very tough for you to have your daughter attend, especially when she comes focused on going to the temple and having babies.
Katie Henderson

Stephanie, I love your blog and your brain. I had a similar upbringing and am an uncorrelated, conflicted, confused, and generally fine-with-it Mormon nowadays. Your words are a great source of internet therapy for me. Write a book!

15: The Delightful Ball of Feminist Fury, Stephanie Child-Bride

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