Mar 28, 2012

21: Amy Overcomes Fear, Satan, and the Mormon Church

Amy talks to Heather about growing up with an overwhelming fear of the omnipresent Mormon Satan and how she filled her life with value after leaving the church at eighteen.

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By Heather C. Podcast 34 Comments

Chriccha

Film is unavailable at Amazon… Can it be purchased from somewhere else? (Or put on the web for viewing?)
http://www.richardharris.no Richard of Norway

Yay Amy! Glad you made it to Voices. Excited for this episode.
Ted Hansen

Another great episode! Going for a second listen because I can’t get enough of this stuff!
http://profile.yahoo.com/XC6HV4KG4HPDH6MPA2YOORLXTE Cindy

Loved this episode! Thanks for sharing your story. I can relate to so much of what you went through. I believed with all of my being that those PH men could read my mind too. I always thought something was wrong with ME when I didn’t like certain aspects of the church so when I found out the truth I was relieved, but also angry about wasting so much time self-loathing.

Ahhh, life is good now!

Amy Blosch

thank you Cindy i found the PH just another terrifying arm of control and power the so many men in the church were entitled to.

jackrodwell

interesting story. but does the church really preach that if you are blonde hair and blue eyes you are the best most righteous thing in the world. i dont think it does

Heather_ME

Amy wasn’t claiming it does. She was being figurative about her reaction to the church’s teachings that members are special and better than the rest of the world.

jackrodwell

no she explicitly said blonde hair and blue eyes

Amy Blosch

i explicitly said that because thats what i was told by my parents and those teachings we definitely part of the pre-existence dogma ie blacks we unrighteous & whites were delightsome in the eyes of the Lord. No one said that in Sac Mtg but i was raised to believe that because i was born white that meant i was super good before i came to earth. Those things were certainly taught in the 70′s and 80′s.

Amy Blosch

and to piggy back-seeing as how blonde haired, blue eyed people are the held up as the standard for beauty-i was taught that my arrival to earth in such a body was also a sign privilege given to me by pre earthly righteousness. im not saying i believe it or agree with it but i really was raised with these ideas. im not making any of it up.
jackrodwell

fair enough but that was back in the day. comparing the church to the kkk is not right. ive personaly seen the darkest black men sealed to whitest “delightsome” white women in the salt lake temple. i dont think the kkk or a racist organisation would do that .

This gospel shall be preached unto every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people” (D&C 133:37).

we are all children of god.
jackrodwell

and what about a fat girl with blonde hair blue eyes and an ugly face . she is more likely to date black men. is she still the best, because there are plenty of those as well
Amy Blosch

First of all i used the KKK as an example of an organization that is 1-exclusive, 2-elitest, 3-secretive/sacred (if you relate to that term better) and 4-lastly racist. AND if you listened to the comment, i said that i was actually borrowing the example from someone else. The point behind the example was to illustrate WHY some people stay these types of organizations (to hopefully change them from the inside) and why they leave (realization that change is impossible). The example could just as well have been The Boys Scouts of America with a gay person deciding whether to stay within the ranks or leave based on their treatment and exclusionary policies of gay people. Maybe you missed the point of my comment entirely? i have no desire to debate the reality of the LDS churches racial problems with you. They stand alone as well as the putrid comment you made abt fat girls dating black men. YOU are showing your colors. Tsk Tsk.

DontSpamMeBro

Amy, I was curious on what path your brother took? Is he an active member today? Do you have a good relationship with him?

I really cracked up when you said you moved to Utah to leave the church!

Amy Blosch

My brothers story is much worse than mine.He was very violent-when i was 11 he attacked me with a hand saw and cut my face open. Long story short-by age 14 he was kicked out of the house and lived in group homes similar to foster care. He went through several of them. He never lived at home again. He tried to make a new life for himself by getting married and having a baby but when her parents found out abt his past (its too much to get into here) they forced her to annul the marriage. They had a PH holder waiting in the wings for her and she married him with in the year. Her new husband adopted their son and my brother never saw his son again. He lives in Cali still and has repaired his relationship with our parents to some degree but he trusts NO ONE and none of us know where he lives, has his phone number…i have no way of getting in touch with him but he shows up on holidays and when babies are born. He is absolutely incapable of having any intimate relationships, he doesnt have GF’s-just superficial sexual relationships. He is so devastated by not having access to his son that he refuses to even acknowledge that part of his life. He’s dead inside to some degree…. i love my brother-i’m his greatest ally and he knows that but he keeps anyone that loves him at a huge distance.

DontSpamMeBro

Very very sad. I don’t remember exactly what you said in the podcast, but I got the feeling he might have had some issues at least partly due to your step father’s abuse. Thank you for sharing your moving story. Best wishes for the future.

Amy Blosch

i should probably also mention that my 2 sisters that were born to my mom and step dad are totally fine, normal, happy, well adjusted and faithful. My parents didnt raise them in the same manner. One could say that once my brother and i were out of the house completely the influence of the adversary allowed them to raise up righteous children.

http://www.cautherscounseling.com Wes Cauthers

My favorite part of this episode:

“…it was just like someone flipped a switch, it was just like, Oh….my….God! How could my parents believe this? How could they have raised me with this? Both my parents are smart people, my dad has a master’s of criminology, he detects facts for a living! He interrogates bad guys to get to the bottom of it! And this is what they had decided was true, like they believed it! And that’s when I started to really think…which, I’ll go ahead and say it cause this isn’t Mormon Expression…CULT, like this is cult thinking, not culty, not cultish, this is cult thinking, this is mind control. What I experienced was way beyond what a normal religion…like I’m thinking, I don’t think the methodists are dealing with this kind of stuff, I don’t think the people that want to leave the Lutheran church have to deal with this kind of thing, ya know like this is something way different.”

I can so relate to you there, Amy! I had a very similar moment myself and whatever it was that got “turned off like a light switch” growing up in Mormonism was now in the ON position and receiving full power!

It sounds like Mormonism really fueled and facilitated the abusive tendencies of your step-father (and the passive stance of your mother) which is exactly what cults do. They take an already bad situation and just make it worse.

Really enjoyed hearing your story and I look forward to seeing where you take ME as the new Executive Producer!

Amy Blosch

LOL!!! yes…yes indeed…i played the cult card! And yes, the PH and the Church acted as a ‘get outta jail free’ card in some ways for my parents. There were lots of things i wasnt able to address re. my parents that may have given a better perspective. My step father was also raised by a law enforcement professional and HIS father (grandfather) was abusive and eventually committed suicide. Lots of factors that were not involved in Mormonism came together to create a perfect storm in our family. Such is the nature of fundamentalist religions….

p.s. having my words written back to me was a hoot!!! <3 xo

http://www.cautherscounseling.com Wes Cauthers

Yes, abuse is commonly passed on from previous generations and oppressive, secretive, authoritarian groups like Mormonism are perfect environments for it to flourish.

Justin Carlson

Loved the story, Amy. Loved the complication. Loved the heart. What a voice.

Amy Blosch

thank you so much Justin…..sorry but i have to ask-when you say “what a voice” do you mean the interview itself or my actual voice…cuz i have an ongoing joke with myself and others that i sound a bit like a coked up whore on tape.

http://youtu.be/yfdRtCoc_34 Nathan R Kennard

Amy, I loved hearing your experience and perspective. Thank you for sharing.

Our experience was quite dissimilar yet I am glad to hear you emerged from yours. You are a good example and provide hope that a person can survive.

Amy Blosch

thanks Nathan!!! keep your knit-hand strong, brother!!!

Mark Smith

Amy, I am listening to your podcast. Very interesting. I grew up a few years ahead of you in the same neighborhood as your Father and your In Laws. Have always known who you were, but never had any idea what you went through. Really interesting to hear about your life with your Mother and step Dad. Just heard the part about where you believed the church was true but hoped that it wasn’t. Interesting that my dilema as a youth was just the opposite. That is I hoped that it was true, but just couldn’t find it believable. I finally left the church at 17. I enjoyed some occasional good conversations with your father about religion and other topics in my late teens and early 20′s. He also played a role in sparking my interest in photography as an early teenager. Also I have ended up being sort of a hippie mormon humpty dumpty one foot in and one foot out like him in many ways. I am not saying that he is this great role model or anything, but rather he was someone I could relate to. Nor that he corrupted me in any way any more than someone could blame me for corrupting your older Brother in Law, T. Ultimately we all make our own choices and that is good, because where we get it right we get to take credit. Im trying to not make any judgements about your Dad other than saying of adults around me as a teenager goes he is someone I could relate to a hell of a lot more than say Ron Lafferty. I think that your dad is a basically honest person and also that in the area where he has character defects they are very similar to mine. I wont go into detail I might be wrong. I just paused the podcast at where you came out to live with your Dad, have no idea what you will have to say. Just thought I would pause and state some of my thoughts about the rest of your story before I actually hear it. Throw out some of my prejudices and then listen to the rest of the story, and see how my preconceived impressions about your Dad and step mom actually play out in your story, just for fun. If I am mischaracterizing I will come back and post an apology. Just find it really interesting to sit and listen to someone I kind of know on a superficial level and realize that here is this really complex life with all kinds of experiences and opinions which I could have never imagined. Makes me wonder if I really know anyone very well when it comes right down to it. If I were to have characterized what I knew about your Mom before listening to the first part of your podcast I would have been way off. Thanks for doing this podcast, hearing the journey of another persons life helps me understand my own.
Mark Smith

Ok finished listened to the rest, nothing different about your Dad and Step Mom, some interesting twists I wouldn’t have exactly expected, but the biggest thing I get from how your story has evolved is that your greatest growth has came from where you have chosen to be your own greatest influence on yourself. What I take from your experience is the importance of owning your relationships, but not allowing them to cause you to act or react in ways that you wouldn’t choose of your own free will. Very admirable. Makes me want to grow up too someday.

Amy Blosch

MARK!!!! you are a Mormon Expressionite!! LOL …..wow. i can i totally understand that you would relate to my bio father, S.R.. He’s easy to talk to, he’s funny, he’s effing brilliant…however he was a shit parent. i chose not to get into that arm of my family tree for the interview because 1-not enough time, 2-not sure if anyone really cares since it has nothing to do with my exit story, and 3-it just adds another layer to a confusing life-but i have cut off all contact with S.R. and have for 3 yrs. I dont know what happened when he moved to N. Carolina with C.N. and rejoined the Church but a pot smoking, neo-con hippie, mixed with the idea that one has moral authority through the Mormon Church proved not to be a good mix for him.
as for BIL, T.-i hear he’s doing well and my ex husband is doing as well as could be expected i suppose….
now-are you officially out of the church or have you disaffected to the point that everyone knows you are not a believer? hit me up on FB
btw, thank you for your kind comments re. my experience….i appreciate it.

jennwestfall

Amy–

Thank you for sharing your story. I really enjoyed listening to it. And I agree–when I was a TBM I would say “How could people think this is a cult? Cults don’t have 13 million members worldwide!” but as I tried to leave it, well, let’s just say what you said…leaving the Lutheran church would not be the same!!

Amy Blosch

thanks jenn! I hope people understand what i meant by that comment….i didnt mean to imply that its not hard to leave other faiths-just that the “great reveal” of Mormonism is vastly different than any other faith i know of….

Brooke Helm

Amy, we share a great great great grandfather! Of course there are probably a lot of us out there considering Jens had 3 wives. My family is through his third wife, Ane Katrine. I guess that would make us some sort of cousins. Great interview. Thanks for sharing your story.

Amy Blosch

awesome~!!!! just another example of why i will never tire of Mormonism!!

ozpoof

I too had terrifying times as a child hearing “demons” all night with every bump and rattle. I used to believe the colours I saw when I closed my eyes was the face of Lucifer forming. I had a very hard time sleeping. I imagined I was surrounded by demons and evil spirits and was under attack. This is what I was taught in primary. I remember listening to my parents and their TBM friends talk about how to identify a demon by shaking its hand. I was terrified to the point of shivering and being physically sick. This is very common among Mormons. The last time I heard anyone speak of demons was when, after a decade away, I attended a Mormon wedding reception. The inevitable talk around Mormon tables seems to turn to demonology and apocalyptic talk. They love this stuff. I can’t tolerate it any more. Give me atheist discussions any day. They are far more uplifting and interesting.

The Mormon “church” is the most obsessed with Satan and demons of any I have experienced. I believe they talk about Satan far more than Christ. Raising any child in this religion leaves psychological damage. The only way I lost my fear of the dark, even as a grown man, was when I stopped believing in Mormonism. Mormons claim they are the elite, and have the true power of God through the priesthood, but they are scared little children.

I now see them as no better than ill educated tribes in Papua New Guinea with special rituals to keep evil spirits away from their hut. It’s depressing, damaging, nonsense that should not be taught to children.
ozpoof

I think maybe this podcast might be the one I have been waiting for to let my TBM mum listen to. Great work you two.