May 16, 2012

28: Lindsay & the Problem of Mormon Perfectionism

Lindsay talks with Brandt about the profound impact Mormon perfectionism had on her life. She also explains how her religious views have changed and fostered a feminist awakening.

Lindsay’s Blogging over at Feminist Mormon Housewives

The Official Feminist Mormon Housewives Podcast

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

By Heather C. Podcast 12 Comments

http://www.richardharris.no Richard of Norway

Wow, this was timed nicely.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Megan-von-Ackermann/100000167835734 Megan von Ackermann

Lindsay, this is one of the most powerful endings to a voices podcast that I have ever heard. Beautiful.

http://www.richardharris.no Richard of Norway

No spoilers!
I’m about halfway through. Now I want to fast forward to the end. I’m no good with anticipation.

http://twitter.com/barbaricyawps Alyssa

Thanks so much for sharing your story, Lindsay. This is going to go down as one of my all-time favorite Mormon Expression Voices episodes. And I agree with what you’ve said at the close of the podcast. Although I fully understand the psychological need to sort ourselves into different camps based on our different temperatures in relation to Mormonism, I wish we could just all commune with each other and learn how to love each other *because* our differences—not in spite of them.
Elder Vader

I loved this.

Thanks for running a good interview Brandt. You did great.

Lindsay. You are so real. Thanks for coming on the show and sharing some of your story with us.

Some comments/questions -

I remember sitting in Abnormal Psychology class, listening to end of semester presentations. A couple of girls got up to talk about eating disorders. I smiled to myself, and nearly said something to my neighbor about how our obese country could do with a few more eating disorders. I’m glad I didn’t say anything because I wouldn’t wish that struggle on anyone. Linsday you seemed to be saying that addressing your struggle with an eating disorder required that you solve the underlying emotional pain, then you were able to let go of the disorder. Is that how it worked for you?

You said at the end of the interview that you were good at being outwardly ‘perfect’ even while simultaneously having inward struggle. Was your feminist transformation responsible for you ‘owning’ and being more open about the aspects of yourself you aren’t as proud of?

The connection between womens rights and poverty alleviation has been one of the most powerful, and enduring interests of mine, in my whole life. There really is something there. I just want to echo that ‘The Girl Effect’ is a good video to watch. Here’s a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kxysX4MmOU

Lindsay P

Thanks Elder Vader, you asked if tackling underlying emotional pain helped let go of the disordered behavior. Yes! This has been my experience and as I understand it, it a key part of addiction issues. Often we use unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with pain. For me, since I was taught alcohol and drugs were immoral, I used food because it was accessible. I think one can fill their lives with just about anything, and become addicted to anything, especially if their is an emotional need to do so. Key for me, was figuring out why I was acting the way I was, and a lot of it had to do with believing and caring so much that other people’s perceptions of me mattered. It was a lot of hard work and took years to recognize patterns. Feminism has really helped me overcome that in so many ways. It has taught me to reclaim my true self and appreciate who I am, warts and all. Feminism has a very empowering message of all bodies are beautiful, all people are valued, and differences can be a strength not a weakness. So for me, feminism has been one of the healthiest things I’ve ever found.

annie.cash

I just loved this. And the part about turning the picture backwards. Still laughing.
Carolina Bell

I liked the story. The part about “the good mother” I liked best. I know lots of people at church ranked me as the “good mother” and they told me so. Until one day my Bishop called me to his office to tell me that someone told him I was a “harsh mother” and If there was anything I needed to discuss with him. I said “I have nothing to discuss” and I left. Yes, I am not perfect and my accuser probably heard me yell at my kids in frustration. That incident marked me for years (silly me). I felt I had “fallen from grace”. that my identity as the “good mother” was gone and there was nothing left from me. Fortunately my friends were much more grounded than I and kept telling me: Who cares what other think, Let it go, it’s more important what Heavenly Father thinks about you, Just follow Christ and take Mormonism easy. Now I am less involved at church, I attend every Sunday but not participate as much in social events and I have found peace.
cwinchesteriii

Bella chose Jacob over Edward??? :p
cwinchesteriii

Anyway, great interview. It makes me want to go and lurk over at FMH again. I’m glad you’ve found a better place, and that you can be an influence for good in the Church.
Marney Schaumann

Great interview. Thanks for sharing.
nielper

Great interview Lindsay and thanks for sharing your story in such an articulate way. I wonder if eating disorders are more prevalent inside the church? My sister suffered for years from anorexia and bulimia. Fortunately she’s doing fine now. It was hard on our whole family. I had problems with bulimia for several years in my 20′s. Like you, discovering feminism helped me to overcome it. I especially liked the book by Susie Orbach “Fat is a Feminist Issue”. Great podcast and kudos to Brandt for his polished interview.

28: Lindsay & the Problem of Mormon Perfectionism

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